Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Labeling Is Disabling

Labeling a child puts your child in a box that is difficult for him to get out of.  Often, if a child knows he is labeled he won't try to do things differently because he knows that is what you and those around him expect. When you label a child, you don't see anything beyond the label. "Positive" labels can be just as debilitating as "negative" ones. For example, if a child is always told how good she is, she may give up who she is in order to be good. Or a girl who is told she is beautiful all the time, may learn to depend on her beauty and not develop her other talents to the fullest.

Remember to enter situations with your child with an open mind and allow yourself to see a different side rather than affix a label to your child.


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Thursday, July 21, 2011

Setting Limits with Grandparents

Have you ever felt like your parents give you children too much "stuff?" One mom from our coaching session handled this issue brilliantly. She had given her parents specific parameters about the amount of birthday presents they could give their grandchild. However when the birthday arrived, the grandparents overloaded the child with too much "stuff!" Mom didn't say anything at the time, however the next time she went to her mother's house she brought a suitcase with her. In the suitcase was the "stuff!" Mom very lovingly said,"I believe you left this at our house." That was it! No lecture. No harsh words.

So look for a situation where your boundaries are not being respected. Determine what loving action you could take and implement it.

Clue: You know your boundaries are being disrespected when you start feeling resentful.

 
By Kathryn Kvols, Author of Redirecting Children's Behavior and founder of INCAF

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Thursday, July 14, 2011

The Difference Between Giving Up and Letting Go

Giving up often comes from a sense of desperation or hopelessness. The thought often attached to this is, "I don't care." You feel weak and you feel like a victim. Letting go comes from a position of trust....a trusting that if you step back from the situation, a better outcome will occur. You care very deeply but you realize this might not be the right time, or the right place. You may not have enough information. You might not be the right person to address this issue or to support your family member in moving though this situation. "Letting go" is a very powerful position, one of choice.
        
This week, see if there is a situation in which you might better serve the people involved by letting go. A clue is to look for situations where you are more invested or attached than the other person.    
 
By Kathryn Kvols, Author of Redirecting Children's Behavior and founder of INCAF

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Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Kathryn Kvols to provide Parenting Mentoring Program

Kathryn Kvols, author and creator of the book and course Redirecting Children's Behavior (RCB) will be providing a parenting mentoring program for 6 weeks starting in August. This will be a highly individualized program centered on the principles of RCB. The focus will be on helping parents to:
  • Eliminate power struggles,
  • Create family teamwork,
  • Be an approachable parent,
  • Empower their children,
  • Minimize sibling bickering and fighting,
  • Become less reactive and more proactive,
  • Set clear limits and then stick to those limits,
  • Minimize stress from parenting,
  • Teach children self control,
  • Maintain closeness rather than distance through discipline,
  • Create open lines of honest and trusting communication.
Interested in learning more? Visit The Parenting Mentoring Program for more information. 


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Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Ever Feel Like Giving Up?

Today I was reminded of one of the students from our "Redirecting Children's Behavior" course. She had a teenage daughter that she just couldn't seem to connect with. Whenever she said something encouraging to her daughter, she would just scoff it off. But this mother could not be stopped. She started writing love notes on Post Its and putting them on her daughter's closed door. However she noticed that those too were ripped off in similar disregard.

Then one day her daughter called from school and asked her mother to get something from her closet and bring it to her. Mom opened the closet door and found everyone of the Post It notes she had ever written attached in neat rows to the inside of her daughter's door!
        
This week, when you feel discouraged, remember this mother's story and make a decision to not give up. 

Note: There is a distinction between letting go and giving up...more on this later!

By Kathryn Kvols, Author of Redirecting Children's Behavior and founder of INCAF

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Tuesday, July 5, 2011

How is technology changing us?

Technology is everywhere. It seems like we eat it, sleep it, breathe it. Many of us wake up to the radio or television, use our cell phones and computers all day long at work, then come home to answer phone calls, emails and surf the web while our children play video games, or watch t.v.

But do we fully know how all that technology is affecting us? It is clearly redefining how we interact with our world, and to our children.

In a recent Times Magazine article entitled, "Quality Time Redefined," Alex Williams talks about how technology is changing how we interact as a family. He writes, "Ms. Vavra, a cosmetics industry executive in Manhattan, looked up from her iPad, where she was catching up on the latest spring looks at Refinery29.com, and noticed that her husband, Michael Combs, was transfixed, streaming the N.C.A.A. men’s basketball tournament on his laptop. Their son, Tom, 8, was absorbed by the Wii game Mario Kart on the widescreen television. Their daughter, Eve, 10, was fiddling with a game app called the Love Calculator on an iPod Touch. 'The family was in the same room, but not together,” Ms. Vavra recalled.'"

Not only is technology changing how we interact, but it also could be changing how we develop. More and more professionals are becoming concerned about both the benefits and consequences of technology on the developing brain. In fact the American Academy of Pediatrics has guidelines for when and how much technology children should use. For instances infants should not have any exposure to television before age two. Considering that a recent study by the Kaiser Family Foundation reports that children between the ages of 8 to 18 spend on average over 7 hours of their day engaged with some form of media, it is overdue that we start paying attention to just how technology is affecting us.

The International Network for Children and Families will be offering a webinar for parents in August on this topic. In the meantime, we strongly encourage parents to visit the Healthy Children Website powered by the American Academy of Pediatrics for information on children and media.