Monday, April 25, 2011

RCB Instructors reach out to Women In Distress in Fort Lauderdale, FL.

RCB South Florida will be providing a free workshop called "Keeping Families Emotionally Connected During Times of Crisis" to the staff of Women In Distress (WID) in Fort Lauderdale, Florida to help the staff teach their clients to create safety for children and to keep mothers and children emotionally connected during times of crisis. This event grew out of an opportunity Maggie Macaulay (Director of RCB South Florida) seized when she learned that RCB's parent company, the International Network for Children and Families (INCAF) would be placing a percentage of the profits from an RCB Instructor Training conference into a fund. This fund would then be awarded to an RCB Team with the best proposal for RCB to partner with another agency to give back to the community. “We are always seeking out ways to partner with other agencies to positively affect the community, so I knew this would be a great opportunity for our team," said Macaulay. Her team was quick to jump on board at the prospect. This isn't all Macaulay is up to these days. She also will also be participating in the filming of videos for the City of Miramar geared towards demonstrating the value for children in growing plants and spending time outdoors. For more information about RCB South Florida, and/or Maggie Macaulay, visit Maggie’s website at, RCB South Florida’s website, or visit INCAF to find an instructor in your area.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Tip for a successful family vacation

Planning a vacation or outing? Have you ever had a child come back from an outing and be upset? Have you ever been upset about how a family trip went? You were supposed to have a nice relaxing family time but it ended in a disaster!  One thing you can do to alleviate this problem is to have a family meeting to plan your trip wisely. 

Explore what will have to happen in order for each family member to be satisfied with the trip. Many trips fail simply because one member of the family had an expectation that wasn't met. For example, your child might have a fond memory of that ice cream store and you didn't know that this was what he had his heart set on. Or you may be looking forward to a car trip without bickering but you forgot to negotiate some agreements around what will happen if there is bickering. 

Outings and vacations can build lasting memories...and better ones if we plan ahead! Enjoy your trip!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Feeling Closer To Your Partner

It is important that you and your partner are close. This not only provides a good model for your children but, your relationship is also the glue that holds the family together. If this glue is watered down, the whole system gets weak. Research is saying when there is a loving atmosphere, there is less illness. Stress in the family tears down our immune systems and causes our children to get sick and act out. Take a moment to reflect on this thought. Remember the last time there was a lot of stress in your family. Didn't you whole family act out more?

Now take a moment to remember the last time you felt passionate about your spouse. Recall how you felt. Life felt more vibrant, there seemed to be an element of magic in the air and things that normally bothered you were more easily dismissed.

Make being close is of utmost importance. Frequently, we don't make being close to our spouse a priority and we end up feeling like roommates in a lonely house. When your intention is on being close, you will find numerous ways to create the closeness you desire. Here are some tips. Many of these will not be new to you. Please do not dismiss them. Let them serve as a reminder. The power of two makes life much easier.

1. Ask for what you want in a loving way rather than being negative or holding it in and being resentful. For example: "Why are you late? We haven't had dinner together as a family in weeks! Vs. I would really like you to be home on time for dinner. Our family feels incomplete without you and it is real important to me that we eat dinner together." We all know this one however it is practicing it that is difficult!

2. Assume their innocence instead of assuming their guilt. Remember when you were dating and your spouse could do no wrong? When they did goof up, you thought, "That's just not like him/her," and you went on concentrating on what you loved about him/her. Spend one day seeing him/her like that.

3. Touch and hold each other throughout the day without it necessarily leading to sex. Touching releases chemicals in your body that give you a sense of increased well being.

4. Pray and/or meditate with each other daily.

5. Make his/her success just as important as your own. Be sure you make this fun and not another burden to carry.

6. Do something loving for him/her when you don't feel like it. Taking action often changes feelings.

7. Forgive quickly rather than making them suffer for what they did. Why make yourself miserable?

8. Examine your beliefs about relationships and about your willingness to allow someone to be close to you. Many of us carry around destructive unconscious beliefs. If your are not having the relationship you want, you may want to check out your belief system with a therapist.

9. Take good care of yourself so you are not dependent on your spouse to make you happy.

10. Monitor your thoughts. How often are you thinking judgmental thoughts about your spouse? Play a game with yourself that for every negative thought you have, you have to think of three positive things about them.

You can have the relationship of your dreams. I personally disagree with the thought that marriage takes a lot of hard work. I think the power lies in having clear intentions. Unfortunately, some of us spend time just making it from day to day. We become oblivious to how we feel and how we make others feel. We exist in quiet desperation. How do we determine our intentions? We determine them by looking at our results.  So if you don't like what you have in your relationship, change your intention. It takes a brave individual to look at life this way because it is often easier to blame someone else than it is to take responsibility for our lives.
By Kathryn Kvols,
Author of Redirecting Children's Behavior, Founder of INCAF

Monday, April 4, 2011

Teen Texting During Family Time

Social networking can be a big bone of contention between parents and teens. Parents feel disconnected, disrespected and annoyed when their teen texts during family time. Teens feel annoyed, rebellious and like they are missing out when parents ask them not to text.

Why are teens so captivated with texting?
According to a study done by Harrisinteractive:
  • A majority (57%) of teens view their cell phone as the key to their  social life. 
  • Second only to clothing, teens say a person’s cell phone tells the most about their social status or popularity, outranking jewelry, watches and shoes.
  • 80% say their cell phone provides a sense of security while on the go, confirming that the cell phone has become their mobile safety net when needing a ride (79%), getting important information (51%), or just helping out someone in trouble (35%).
So how do you deal with constant texting of your teen when it interferes with developing a deeper family connection?
Our family found one solution that created a win/win to this dilemma of texting during family time:

On a recent road trip with another mother and daughter to find “the perfect” prom dress, we discovered a game that is prevalent in the social networking world. It is a virtual scavenger hunt. Here is how to play:

Before you arrive at your destination, determine the list of items that you will need to find when you get there. Our list included a monkey, a red hat, a yellow flower… you get the idea. We had twelve items on our list. When you find the item, you take a picture of it with someone in your group holding the item or next to the item. Your teen then gets to post the picture to Facebook, Twitter, etc. or text it to friends.

We had great fun creating and finding our list of obscure items. It was exciting hunting for and finding each object, and we had a blast taking the pictures. Our teens got to stay connected to their social network and we got to feel connected to our teens on many unique levels.
By Kathryn Kvols Author of Redirecting Children's Behavior and founder of INCAF

Note: As always, be safe when using social media and texting. Teach your teen not to post their locations during events like these and help ensure they use adequate levels of security on their facebook, twitter or other similar sites. We recommend setting pictures so that only friends you and your teen select can see them.